Monthly Archives: February 2012

So where is it at

So where is it at then?

This was my question to God yesterday as I drove to visit a client of mine. I reasoned with God about the fact that church from my experience is where it is not. I asked God to take my hand because I didn’t know how to get to that place in my spirit where he really ‘is at’. I am at peace in my heart but I want more! I remember times in the past when God has moved in power to set the oppressed free when his power and glory were so evident in his workings with me and those I knew that it took our breath away. Somewhere along the line I lost that – mainly because of the abuse I received at the hands of church leaders of various sorts. It did something deep inside me. I withdrew. I lost trust. I have no fellowship at the moment. I don’t have a husband. As I’m human I know I have a need for community and fellowship. Without that being available to me I have become very God reliant. Everything is one way traffic me and him or him and me there is no-one else in our equation.

But I know I need to be part of his Kingdom and I know for me to be healthy spiritually I need relationships etc. Also I want to see the power of God again move through my life and bring healing and help in life changing ways to those who need it.

For all these reasons I asked God to take my hand and lead me because I have no idea how to get to where I need to be. I imagined going to Hillsong on Sunday and being zapped by God onto this amazing spiritual plane or listening to worship music and having a vision a word or a prophecy…. or something similar.

I arrived at Suzy’s house but couldn’t get through the gate as it was jammed. Part of me was pleased, I wanted to keep going with God, get back into my car and follow this prayer through…. After alot of barking (of her dog!) and rattling with locks Suzy appeared on the porch and came to the gate to let me in. I was trying to use the catch to unlock the gate. She gave it a hefty kick and the thing swung open…. I pondered on that for some reason.

Inside her house it was freezing and dilapidated. The walls looked like they could fall down at any time! She had no food and no milk even tomake me a coffee. I work with the homeless and those threatened with homelessness. Suzy was close to being evicted. She hadn’t paid her rent or council tax for months! She was about my age but looked and dressed 10 years younger, about 35. She was pretty and blonde and could have had the world at her feet!? -whatever that means!

She was so bouncy and happy and easy going. She had no money and is in 1,000s of pounds worth of debt. She is in danger of losing her rented house. She has 2 teenage kids who have no mobile phones, nocomputers, no ipods or tv’s or anything like that. Her house was full of old mainly broken furniture from the 1960’s. She looked me straight in the eye as we chatted, with a big smile like she hadn’t a care in the world. She got to me.

I had a form to fill in to apply for benefits for her. This was a form she didn’t return in July because it was too complicated for her to understand. She had had £50 to live on for 6 weeks., She was very thin. In the UK the government provide for those with children who are on a low wage or unemployed through a benefit system. They make the system so complicated many don’t get what they are entitled to. I asked her why she hadn’t filled the form in – I couldn’t understand it she said… She was so calm. I would have been in a state with no money for 6 weeks and kids to feed. She works part time. Her boss pays her £3 per hour – that’s illegal for a start. She owes him money as it’s his house she lives in. He takes it off at source £150 per month.

To claim benefits she had to produce so many documents none ofwhich she could find. She went off running around the house like a child pulling open drawers and cupboards searching for the documents I asked her for. She was endlessley courteous and polite with me. There were piles of papers everywhere. She emptied her bag out it was also full of papers. She was so patient with everything I asked her for. After about 15 minutes she found the 1st document and proceeded to jump up and down with glee! I had no faith in her finding the next one – the end of year tax return… off she went again upstairs and down in and out of cupboards and drawers strewn with paperwork….she found this too! We filled in the form together it took an hour in the end to find everything.

Suzy gets short shrift from my colleagues and other professionals who know what shes like. She’s a walking nightmare to them and they blame her totally for the disorder and difficulties that surround her….
In her little chaotic home with no food, no milk, no heat and no electric Suzy shone anyway. She is maybe a little ditzy and eccentric. She had a troubled childhood and has been abused and taken advantage of by many who should have known better. She’s made some errors in her life choices and she does need to take some responsibility for her actions – or so they say… but she shines anyway.

I left Suzy’s house and stepped out into the bright but chilly Autumn sunshine. I immediately felt a nudge in my spirit and felt Gods prompting in my heart…..he said to me that’s where it’s at
I got back into my car and burst into tears. I knew exactly what God meant and I had felt his touch as I spent time with Suzy.

I went bact to the office but got no sympathy from any of my colleagues for Suzy. She’s made her bed and apparently we should leave her to lie in it. No can do. I rang a local charity and managed to get her a food parcel ordered to be delivered next week. I went home still concerned about how she was going to manage the weekend. I prayed frantically for God to show me how I could get food and money to Suzy – I am not allowed to ‘give’ her any money or goods it’s against company policy. 3 am in the morning. Wide awake praying for Suzy. I felt God drawing me to think of starting some sort of charity which gives food vouchers and household items, without condition, to the poor and those in need………. crazy God, crazy me!

He’s taking me by the hand….

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